Sunday 22 December 2013

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes Biography

Source (Google.com.pk)
young biologist was sitting on a stump at the edge of their camp. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. One of the other biologists saw his sad looks and asked, "What's the matter?" The young biologist said, "They put me in the same tent with old Doctor Perkins. He snores all night, takes a bath once a month, and talks non-stop about back when he studied passenger pigeons. He's so damn old, I think he was a lackey for Charles Darwin. He generally just makes my life Hell. We had a big fight about it and they split us up for a month" The older biologist said, "That should make you happy." The young biologist sadly shook his head and said, "Not when the month is up today! -
wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. He's camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp. "Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around the bend and we've seen you camped here. We didn't know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen all this scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?" " Sir, I'm not a vet, I'm a wildlife biologist," the young biologist told the worried man. "Can you please just have a look at him, I'll pay you anything you need. I just need to know. If he's still alive, maybe I can rush him into town." "Ok, put him here on the table." The young biologist looks the limp dog over, but its plain that the dog is dead,, no pulse or signs of breathing. "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid poor Willie is dead." "No, I can't believe that..... It can't be true...are you sure?" "Yes, I'm quite sure." "I just can't believe that....With all this equipment, isn't there something you can do? I must be absolutely sure." The biologist called his big yellow cat over to the table. The cat walked around the dead dog, occasionally sniffing at the carcass. He then looks up at the biologist and let out a few weak meows. "Well, the cat say he's dead. Does that assure you?" "No, I need more than that...Do you have anything else?" The biologist calls over his big black dog. The dog circles the body a few times, sniffing it every now and then. After a few moments, the dog barks at the biologist. "Well, now the dog says he's dead. That's all I can do for you sir." "OK, well I guess its true. I'll take him back and bury him...How much do I owe you?" "It'll be $650 bucks." The biologist tells the old man. "What??", replied the old man, "How can you charge that much??!!" "Well sir, I could have told you he was dead for only a dollar, but you're the one that insisted on the cat scan and the lab tests!" -
wildlife biologist crew leader has several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews camped and worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair every few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them a visit. "Is anything funny going on here"? he asked. "What do you mean by that?" the pair asked back. "I mean, you're not getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you know, maybe doing something you're not supposed to do?" "Absolutely not!" the Jim replied. " We are strictly co-workers" "Oh yes," the Sarah replied, " We hike all day, record our data, return back, and fall asleep exhausted. "That's right!" Jim replied, "and me in my tent, and she in hers!" The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in th e field with the pair. He left the field early, returned to camp, retrieved his Jeep and left the area. The following day, the biologist pair had lost their $1000 GPS unit. They searched high and low, but could not find it. It had simply disappeared from their camp. After a few frantic days, they suspected that the crew leader had taken it. It was the only plausible explanation. That evening, they called him on the 2-way radio, and politely asked weather he may have inadvertently taken the unit. "As a matter of fact, I did take it the day I came up to see if you two were sleeping together. After realizing I had accidentally taken it with me from the field, I placed it in Sarah's sleeping bag where she would be sure to find it!
Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane..."
"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."
"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."
Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault.....it was the asphalt!"
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Pictures And Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi Biography

Source (Google.com.pk)
Teacher: what is meant by
"I MISS YOU"
Pathan: Is ka matlab hai
"Mein tumhari miss hon!"
Sardar: I havnt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y didnt u exchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody
2 exchange in the lower birth..
Sumeone Kills AMIR'S GF
& He Loses His Memory.
Than He Tries To Find out D Killer.
Suspense:AMIR Himself Is D Killer.
Now Enjoy Watchng GHAJINI :P
Sardar 2 friend: Guess how many
coins I have in my pocket?
Friend:If I guess right, u give me 1?
Sardar:Oji, I will give both of them
2 men were searching for their lost wife in a festival.
Banta: What does your wife look like?
Santa: She is 5'7", 36-24-36 sexy figure,
fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair, and yours?
Banta: Forget mine, let us look for yours.
Draupdi ka vstrhrn, Dusasn ko pada bhari.
Draupadi ka vstrhrn, Dusasn ko pada bhari.
Saree mein saree Parag saree!
Bihar ki gali mai pan ki dukan,
Devdas ne dekhi Paro Ki muskan,
Devdas ne khilaya paro ko pan,
Kha k pan Paro boli "Shukriya Bhai Jan.
Mere Dil, Jiger, Kidney, Liver ho tm, waqt-bewaqt aye vo fever ho tm, Dub kr jisme mr jau vo Rivr ho tm, phir bhi Mere jevn mai forever ho tm...
Majnu ko laila ka sms nhi aiya..
Majnu ne 3 Din se khana nhi khaya..
Majnu mrne wala tha laila ke pyar mai..
Aur laila bethi thi sms free hone ke intezar mai.
Maine tere pyar mai kya nhi kiya O chhaliye,
Maine tere pyar mein kya nhi kiya O chhaliye,
Iodex maliye kaam pe chaliye
2 Type Ki Girls K Piche Nhi Bhag
1-Jiske Piche Me H
Q K
Wo Tujko Kbhi Nhi Milegi.
2-Jiske Piche Me Nai Hu
Jo Mujse Nhi Pati Wo Tumse Kya Ptegi
7-chiz jb khatm ho jati hai to bahut taklif hoti hai
1-Pyar

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Jokes Sms In Hindi In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Saturday 21 December 2013

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes Biography

Source (Google.com.pk)
Humor has a vital role in one’s personality. Humor has its own charm. But not all human beings possess sense of humor. This quality is not much common but the ones possessing it can light up a boring event or serious discussion. Such persons bring life in a gathering and make everyone smile. It is commonly said: ‘Being absolutely ridiculous is better than being absolutely boring.’ Jokes make you laugh and they make you forget your depression for a while. Humor defines the personality of a person. Besides being serious in life, there should be some fun and a room for one to enjoy life and most of the times sarcasm serves the purpose. A little humor induced in a discussion or gossip adds spice to it. And the ones having least interest suddenly get cheered up and attentive.
 fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
 That is so funny but a little mean but that's how they are suppose to be ha! Well this is my first one I have read so far so I am gonna go and look for some more! Laugh out loud laugh out loud laugh out loud laugh out loud laugh out loud
More comments about Yo mamma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.
 she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her.
If a helicopter did land on her she would probably say stop tapping me!
 she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her.
she doesn't need the internet; she's already world wide
. (your mama's so fat, she comes at you from every direction) (your mama's so fat, she was born on the 5th,6th,7th,8th,9th of march! ) (your mama's so ugly, when she took a photo of herself and stuck it on the front door, her house was never robbed again! ) (your mama's so ugly, as she walked down the street, people asked eachother "Is it haloween already? ) (your mama's so poor, she can't even pay attention! ) (your mama's so poor, when the trash was eptied, she said "where's all my food? ) (your mama's so ugly, she made an onion cry) (your 

 she doesn't need the internet; she's already world wide
 she goes swimming the whales start singing We are Family
 Said That To A Fat Boy In My School And He Actually Cried! 
More comments about Yo mamma so fat when she goes swimming the whales start singing We are Family
she broke your family tree.
she broke your family tree.
 her beeper went off and people thought she was backing up.
In my personal opinion this one has been said so many times I'm surprised it made the top ten's list. However funny it may bay it has been said too many times
mao, This is on my TOP Ten list laugh out loud, I love this joke!
 her beeper went off and people thought she was backing up.
that when she steps on a scale it says to be continued.
Annaaa
 that when she steps on a scale it says to be continued.
when God said let it be light he told your momma to move
It's so funny that it made lasts night's dinner come out of my mouth
This should be in the Top Ten! This had me crying with laughter!
That's so mean but funny laugh out loud
t when God said let it be light he told your momma to move
she fell no one laughed but the ground started cracking up
Its so funny it even crackes me up!, har har har do you get it hey listen to this yo moma so fat she tried to be on et but when she went over the moon she caused an eclipse!
when she fell no one laughed but the ground started cracking up
What this isn't that funny, its sad
That is the most dumbest and stupidest joke ever.
Guys its an anti-joke! Its a new and quite funny trend in humour now!
thumbs upthumbs down
she died
This is going strait to my girlfriend
twhen she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
 she don't fit in this joke
 fat she don't fit in this joke
 she stepped on a Nintendo Gamecube and turned it into a Gameboyquite enjoyed this joke, when I read it my stomach split! I just couldn't stop laughing at how funny it was, I have never read anything so.
 she stepped on a Nintendo Gamecube and turned it into a Gameboy
 she uses the Great Wall of China wall as a belt
Should be top ten
 that she uses the Great Wall of China wall as a belt
t the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flipflops
That happened to my mom laugh out loud
ts funny as hell keep going and that is so funny yo mamma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had flipflops.
 she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flipflops
Yo mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and popped Skittles out
 laughed so hard I farted... Then my dog ran away from me lol dude this is a good one!
 had a yo mama throw down at school and I won when I used this one! It should be #1!
t she sat on a rainbow and popped Skittles out
Yo mamma's so fat she went to japan and Godzilla said DAMN and ran away.
 This should be on th top 10! Relly, I mean I was literally dying because od laughing
liv I laughed so hard my sister thought that there was something wrong with me!
it so funny joke ever
whoever post its so funny
More comments about Yo mamma's so fat she went to japan and Godzilla said DAMN and ran away.
so fat she has more rolls than a bakery
This is the only one that actually made me crack up. This is such a funny joke
t she has more rolls than a bakery
her belly button got home 30 minutes before she did
 her belly button got home 30 minutes before she did
 she goes camping the bears hide their food
 I literally laugh so hard. Me gonna tell my friends this joke again so funny
that's the best one yet and it made me laugh for ages
 I like it a lot but bear should hide to
 when she goes camping the bears hide their food
 she tried to go to McDonalds she tripped over Wendys and landed on Burger King
 when she tried to go to McDonalds she tripped over Wendys and landed on Burger King
 she's on both sides the family
That was so funny I Lmfao and my sister was laughing so hard that she burped and farted at the same time
 she's on both sides the family
when she burped New Orlean thought Katrina came back to finish the job
This is like laugh out loud I was laughing out loud at 120 and my mom told me to be quiet but this surly is my favorite out of The ones I heard
 When It Really Happened In New Orleans It Was Sad So My Mama Told Me  she made an earth qwake
 when she burped New Orlean thought Katrina came back to finish the job
 she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in.
We had to look up what green peace means for future veiwers greenpeace means
Greenpeace - an international organization that works for environmental conservation and the preservation of endangered species
thumbs upthumbs down
More comments about Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in.
 that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Oh my god that made my mom die laughing I thing this is the best one ever on the united states. 
 thought this was fab, I loved it so much and I just couldn't stop laughing
 thought this joke was very funny and made my friends laugh laugh out loud
 that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
 she got a parking ticket for standing at a crosswalk
 I laughed so hard my mom that I was going to have a asthma attack..
 she got a parking ticket for standing at a crosswalk
 she buys a fur coat, a species will be extinct.
This is the funniest hah!
t's funny but still animal cruelty
if she buys a fur coat, a species will be extinct.
Best joke ever! Should be in top 10
That is the the most funniest thing ever!
t that when she walked by the TV set I missed 3 seasons of Laguna Beach
when she saw a bus she said come back Twinkie
That was awesome... I'm still laughing my sisterts cryin
it WAS yo mama so stupid but this is a yo mama so fat website. It was so funny when I heard it!
t made me crack up so hard. Me and my friends were spitting our drinks out because it was so funny
 when she saw a bus she said come back Twinkie
 the only alphabet she knows is her KFC's
 she probably learned them from alphabet soup
Good one I said that to somebody and they creid
That is the funniest and best of all yo mama jokes
More comments about Yo mama's so fat the only alphabet she knows is her KFC's
Yo mamma so fat, it takes her two trips to haul ass
That is just so wrong but oh so true!
That's funny as hell and oh so wrong laugh out loud

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Funny Fat Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Long Funny Jokes In Hindi For Adults In Urdu For Facebook To Text In English For Teenagers Images For Adults Dirty For Kids In Hinid

Long Funny Jokes Biography

Source (Google.com.pk)
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
 Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home
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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.
When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre.
When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. So he figures he can wait until he drops her off.
When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.''
He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point.
They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.
''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.
Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.
Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!!''
This is a story about the girl that didn't know what cursing was. It was Thanksgiving evening and the young girl was sleeping in her bedroom and she heard her parents having sex in the next bedroom over. She hears the dad say, "oh honey I love your luscious tits" and she hears the mom say, "oh baby I love your slim dick". So the next morning, the daughter walks up to the dad and says, "Hey dad, what are luscious tits?" the dad panics and says, "It's a fine coat". She then walks up to the mom and says, "Hey mom, what's a slim dick?". The mom panics and says, "It's a pair of boots". Later on that day, everybody's getting ready for the Holiday. The girl walks past the bathroom and sees her dad shaving. He cuts himself on the cheek and shouts, "Shit!". The daughter then asks,"What does shit mean" and the dad replies, "I'm shaving right now sweety". The girl walks into the kitchen and sees her mom trying to cook the turkey. The mom accidentally drops the turkey and shouts, "Fuck". The daughter then asks, "hey mom, what does f*ck mean" and the mom replies, "I'm cooking the turkey sweety". About an hour later friends and family arrive at the door. The girl answers the door and says, "Hello everyone hang up your luscious tits and drop your slim dicks, my dad is upstairs shitting and my mom's f*cking the turkey".
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.
An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.
The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.
The Englishman smiled and said, "Tie the Frenchman to my back."
ne day an old couple decided to go to Jerusalem for vacation. A few days after they arrived, the old wife died. The man who worked at the local funeral home told him that he could pay $150 to have her buried here of pay $4,000 to have her body be shipped over and have her get buried there. The old man thought about it for a while, and said that he would rather pay $4,000 to have her body shipped over than to pay $150 to get her buried here. The man who worked at the funeral home asked him why he wanted to pay $4,000 instead of $150. The old man replied " 2,013 years ago a man died and was buried here. Three days later he resurrected. I cant take the chance."

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